Friends and College Apps
The college application season can be a stressful time for high school seniors, and one of the most challenging aspects is navigating conversations with friends who are also applying to colleges. While your friends might be your greatest support system, they can also be your competition, which can create tension and uncertainty about how to discuss college applications. In this blog post, we'll explore how to approach conversations about college with your friends, maintaining healthy relationships while also being mindful of the competitive nature of the application process.
Why College Applications Can Strain Friendships
1. The Pressure of Competition - As you and your friends apply to colleges, the reality is that you may be competing for spots at the same schools. This competition can lead to feelings of rivalry, jealousy, or insecurity, which can strain even the strongest friendships. It’s important to acknowledge that these feelings are natural, but also to find ways to manage them constructively.
2. The Stress of Uncertainty - The college application process is filled with uncertainty—about where you'll get in, how you'll afford it, and what your future holds. This uncertainty can amplify stress and anxiety, making it harder to navigate conversations with friends who are going through the same process. You may worry about comparing yourself to others or how your friends will react to your successes or setbacks.
3. Differences in College Choices and Goals - Not all friends will have the same college goals or application strategies. Some might be aiming for highly selective schools, while others might prioritize schools with strong programs in specific fields. These differences can create a sense of distance or misunderstanding, especially if friends are not on the same page about what they want from their college experience.
How to Approach College Conversations with Friends
1. Set Boundaries Early On
One of the most important steps in navigating college application conversations with friends is to set clear boundaries. Decide early on what topics you're comfortable discussing and what you'd prefer to keep private. For example, you might agree to share general updates about your applications but choose not to disclose your specific college choices or test scores.
Example:
“I’m happy to chat about how we’re feeling during this process, but I’d prefer to keep the details of my applications private.”
2. Be Mindful of Language
The way you talk about college applications with your friends can have a big impact on your relationships. Be mindful of your language and avoid making comparisons or assumptions about your friends' chances of getting into certain schools. Instead, focus on offering support and encouragement.
Example:
Instead of saying, “You’ll definitely get into that school because your grades are better than mine,” try, “I know you’ve worked really hard, and I’m rooting for you.”
3. Celebrate Successes Without Bragging
If you receive good news during the application process, it's natural to want to share it with your friends. However, it's important to do so in a way that doesn’t come across as bragging. Consider how your friends might be feeling about their own applications and try to be sensitive to their emotions.
Example:
“I just got my acceptance letter from [College], and I’m really excited. I hope you hear good news soon too!”
4. Offer Support, But Don’t Pressure
It’s great to offer support to your friends during the application process, but be careful not to pressure them into discussing topics they’re not comfortable with. Some friends might want to talk about every detail of their applications, while others might prefer to keep things more private. Respect their preferences and follow their lead.
Example:
“If you ever want to talk about college stuff, I’m here for you. But no pressure if you’d rather not.”
5. Recognize That Everyone’s Journey is Different
It’s important to remember that everyone’s college journey is different. Your friends might have different goals, priorities, or challenges than you do, and that’s okay. Avoid making comparisons or judgments, and instead focus on supporting each other as you navigate your unique paths.
Example:
“We’re all applying to different places and have different goals, but I’m glad we can support each other through this.”
When to Seek Advice from a College Counselor or IEC
1. Navigating Conflicts or Tensions
If you find that conversations about college applications are creating conflict or tension in your friendships, it might be helpful to seek advice from a college counselor or Independent Educational Consultant (IEC). They can provide guidance on how to approach these conversations in a way that preserves your friendships while also maintaining your own mental well-being.
Example:
A college counselor might suggest strategies for setting boundaries or ways to communicate more effectively with your friends.
2. Managing Stress and Anxiety
The college application process can be overwhelming, and it’s important to manage your stress and anxiety. A college counselor or IEC can help you develop coping strategies, prioritize self-care, and stay focused on your own goals without getting too caught up in what others are doing.
Example:
A counselor might recommend mindfulness practices, time management techniques, or ways to stay positive during the application process.
3. Clarifying Your Own Goals and Priorities
If you’re feeling unsure about your college choices or how to navigate the application process, a college counselor or IEC can provide valuable insights. They can help you clarify your goals, identify the best schools for you, and develop a strong application strategy. This can also give you more confidence in your conversations with friends, as you’ll have a clearer sense of your own path.
Example:
Discussing your college list with a counselor can help you feel more confident in your choices and less concerned about how they compare to your friends’ lists.
How Parents Can Support Students During Application Season
1. Encouraging Healthy Communication
Parents can play a key role in helping students navigate conversations about college applications with their friends. Encourage your child to communicate openly and respectfully with their friends and to set boundaries when needed. Remind them that it’s okay to keep some details private if it helps them manage their stress.
Example:
“Remember, it’s okay to share only what you’re comfortable with. Your friends will understand if you need to keep some things private.”
2. Fostering a Positive Mindset
Parents can also help by fostering a positive mindset during the application process. Encourage your child to focus on their own goals and achievements, rather than comparing themselves to others. Help them see the value in their unique strengths and remind them that there are many paths to success.
Example:
“You’ve worked really hard, and I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished. Focus on what’s right for you, and don’t worry about what others are doing.”
3. Providing Emotional Support
The college application process can be an emotional rollercoaster, and your child may need extra support during this time. Be there to listen, offer reassurance, and provide comfort when they’re feeling stressed or anxious. Let them know that you’re proud of them, no matter what the outcome of their applications.
Example:
“No matter where you end up, I know you’re going to do great things. I’m here for you every step of the way.”
Strategies for Maintaining Friendships During Application Season
1. Focus on Non-College Activities
One way to maintain your friendships during application season is to focus on activities that have nothing to do with college. Spend time together doing things you enjoy, whether it’s watching movies, playing sports, or just hanging out. This can help take the pressure off and remind you of the value of your friendship beyond the college application process.
Example:
“We’ve been talking a lot about college lately—how about we take a break and go see that new movie this weekend?”
2. Celebrate Each Other’s Achievements
When your friends succeed, celebrate their achievements with genuine happiness. Whether it’s an acceptance letter, a scholarship, or a great essay draft, show that you’re supportive and proud of them. This positive reinforcement can strengthen your friendship and create a supportive atmosphere during a stressful time.
Example:
“Congratulations on getting into [College]! I’m so excited for you, and I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you’ll do there.”
3. Be There for Each Other in Tough Times
Rejections and setbacks are a natural part of the college application process, and it’s important to be there for your friends when things don’t go as planned. Offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or simply a distraction when your friends need it. Your support can make a big difference in helping them bounce back.
Example:
“I’m really sorry you didn’t get the news you were hoping for. Let’s grab some ice cream and talk about it, or we can just hang out if you’d rather not talk.”
Conclusion
Talking about college applications with friends can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to harm your friendships. By setting boundaries, being mindful of your language, and offering support without pressure, you can navigate these conversations in a way that strengthens your relationships. Remember that everyone’s college journey is different, and that’s okay. Focus on supporting each other, maintaining healthy communication, and celebrating successes together. At Admyssion, we’re here to help you through every step of the college application process, providing guidance and support as you navigate this exciting and challenging time.
